


untitled.01

by netphan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Drabble, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Other, SELF HATE MENTION, a bunch of sad thoughts that needed to be written down, and its probably shit, eating disorder mention, oh well i wrote it in like fifteen minutes while crying so, self harm mention, this is a bunch of thoughts, trigger warning, unedited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 09:08:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7261780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/netphan/pseuds/netphan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TRIGGER WARNINGS: EATING DISORDER MENTION, SELF HARM MENTION, SELF HATE MENTION, IMPLIED/REFERENCED CHARACTER DEATH.</p><p>Or the one where dan //doesn't// have an eating disorder.</p>
            </blockquote>





	untitled.01

**Author's Note:**

> The way I wrote this is my own interpretation of an eating disorder, and my personal experience of (the likes) of one (never clinically diagnosed.) I do not believe dan to be in any of the ways I've described him, this is 100% fiction.

Dan despised food. The texture, the taste, the everything really. hell, even The mere thought of it, especially bread and meat, made him sick to his stomach. Every Time he consumed even the slightest crumb, he felt the vomit rise in the back of his throat. he never wanted to but he ate so it wasn't an eating disorder.

Cooking was a nightmare. Spending time cutting and preparing something to be consumed, only for it to be shit out as waste seemed pointless. And the smells, oh the smells. everything was pungently fragrant, eggs, bacon, soy sauce, asparagus, even rice. the smells made Dan almost as sick as the consumption part did. Dan hated it, But Dan cooked; Dan didn't want to but Dan ate, so it wasn't an eating disorder.

Countless nights were spent standing topless in front of a mirror. Jeering and poking at flabs of skin and jiggle hanging from the body he hated. Too many nights spent with a razor in hand, pretending that every self-inflicted slit along his pudgy thigh was the first incision for a liposuction surgery. Dan wasn’t happy, but he wasn't clinically depressed; Dan hated it, but he cooked; Dan never wanted to, but he ate, so it wasn't an eating disorder.

Dan was obsessive over weight. he measured his height twice day, as well as stepping on the scale. His browsing history was not full of adult websites, but instead explanations of fat indexes, proper measuring methods, guaranteed fat burning exercises, or the registration page for local gym memberships. Dan's body mass index was low, but not severely underweight; Dan wasn’t happy, but he wasn't clinically depressed; Dan hated it, but He cooked; Dan never wanted to, but he ate, so it wasn't an eating disorder.

Dan didn't find himself attractive in the slightest. His hair never quite fit the round and fat frame of his face, and his cheeks looked swollen like he'd had oral surgery done the day before. Unless he was in a fit of staring at his body and finding {obscure} ways to perfect it, he avoided mirrors and reflective surfaces like the plague. Sure he made the occasional self-deprecating comment, but Nobody knew the full extent of the self-loathing. not even his best friend Phil, who ironically enough was the most visually appealing person on the planet. Dan hated every aspect of his physical appearance, but he was good at hiding it; His body mass index was very low, but he was not severely underweight; Dan wasn't happy, but he wasn't clinically depressed; Dan hated it, but He cooked; Dan never wanted to, but he ate, so it wasn't an eating disorder. 

It was never an eating disorder, until it was too late.


End file.
